Saturday, October 23, 2010

How Does One Really Do This?

Once again it's on, or so I wish. I guess in my literary world, it is on...I'm back writing my blog again, and I can't wait to share with you. Where I grew up, when we said "it's on," it meant, "she's going to be the girl I get tonight," or some variation thereof.

So by that standard, it's not on for me and hasn't been in quite sometime. Would I say it's by choice? Hmmm...I would rather say it's by devotion. I might be devoted to trying to do what I know I should be doing, since I'm not yet married, but it doesn't make it any easier. Cold showers...maybe they work for someone else, but all they make me is cold, still aroused and now mad because I'm cold.

Sex is pretty important to me, as it is to most everyone else. Therefore, how do you really fight that natural predisposition to the flesh, the surrounding influences that help that predisposition and the simple crave to enjoy the companionship of the opposite sex without dishonoring the rules given to us by our Creator? Well, first we have to be open and honest to understand it's not easy. Don't go into being abstinent believing it's a cakewalk and if you don't want to give it up you don't have to. That's the wrong way to think about it, and you'll soon find this is a wrong way of thinking. You will be tempted, you will want companionship, which at the very least will have you thinking about sex.

You can definitely have companionship without sex, but there's a different mindset for different people there. If you want to date someone exclusively (or are dating non-exclusively), you will find when you put yourself in compromising positions, you are much easier tempted. Watching a movie at home with your man is fine, but if you are trying not to take it to another level, those dates need to be few and far in between. The concept of the date will often have a lot to do with how compromising it is. Going to public places can be fun and romantic, and normally, the more private the date is, the more compromising the position is.

Also, if you're trying to rock the abstinence thing, it's good to date others who are doing the same thing. For me, at this point I don't date very much because I know I need someone who is AT LEAST as devoted to not going there as I am, because I can be tempted. Therefore, I need to be selective in who I choose to spend my time with. I think it's a good way of thinking. If you aren't trying to go there, you need to hang out with others who aren't trying to go there. For you old school hip hop heads, Rakim once said, "She kissed me slow, and you know how far a kiss can go...f**k around and miss the show." How many of us have experienced something of that nature? There is so much reality in that statement. If you know that the slightest kiss, or even a look can take you where you had no intention of going, then you simply can't let it occur. Period.

Over the past couple of years, I have had a couple of "run-ins" with ladies. Once, I think I wanted to see if I could avoid temptation while being in the Lion's Den, and the other time, I was simply overcome with the moment and the temptation. The first occasion, I quickly figured out I couldn't escape temptation without my commitment, my devotion and my faith. I believe He was looking out for me, because she didn't let us go any farther than we did. The second time, again, I believe a higher calling was in my corner because I was in the ultimate compromising position and nothing happened.

If we stay in faith first, all things are possible. Faith should also open doors of wisdom to us. Wisdom breeds obedience. If we are wise, we will work to stay away from the temptation of the flesh until the time is right and it's no longer a temptation, it's a blessing. Look for opportunities to stay in faith, as opposed to searching out opportunities to be tempted. I'm not saying it's easy, I'm simply saying, this is how you really can do this...

Until next time...One!

Friday, October 8, 2010

Ok, I Get It...I Get It...

What's crack-a-lackin everyone? Loving every minute of my blessed life, so busy this week trying to complete the publishing of this book. It's soooo close, we're about to chance some lives and build some better relationships! That's exciting, and I praise Him for providing the opportunity to reach you with my words and my book.

This past week, I think I had a bit of a flashback moment. On a couple of different occasions, I was getting to know someone and somewhere along the line, something changed. Naturally, doing what I do to respond and help others, the first thing I do is look at myself. Did I say something? Did I do something wrong? Was I too pushy? Was I too nonchalant? Retrospectively, I don't think I was any of those things in either of these situations. Let me expound.

I once heard Bishop Jakes say you don't have to try to love anyone who doesn't love you. That was my flashback moment, as I racked my brain trying to figure out what I did wrong. Now, neither of these situations was anywhere NEAR that point. We weren't even dating. Just talking, keeping in touch, etc. The premise still rings true. Sometimes people change their minds or sometimes people are going through things or sometimes people realize whatever they expected isn't what they were receiving, so they move on. Real's not my problem. You know, I don't have to be pressed to relate to anyone or speak to anyone. If we are mutually interested in one another, then it's natural to keep the conversation going. If something changes, then instead of forcing the issue, or asking a bunch of questions that go above and beyond where I need to take it, move on.

Sometimes we get interested so quickly, when we catch one of these "curveballs" it throws us for such a loop we don't know what to do. Let me help you out...keep it moving! Even me...remember, this one happened to me! I'm having intriguing convo, spending time on the phone, and all of a sudden, something changes. The conversations stop, the emails end. You ask a few questions, sometimes you might get a quick response which is clearly "I don't want to be rude, but you're not getting it" response. People change and go through things. More often than not, this type of behavior has nothing to do with you and has everything to do with them. Do not let it get you twisted, keep it moving.

Even when you seem to have so much in common and everything is clicking, if they stop talking or something changes which is clearly abnormal behavior to what you have experienced before, especially in the early stages, give them plenty of space. The amazing thing about giving them space is quite often the same person works through whatever they are going through, appreciates you for understanding and becomes even closer to you. Regardless whether or not they come back, as Bishop Jakes said, you don't have to try to love anyone who doesn't love you. If you keep it moving, you will find someone who loves you more than you can imagine. Once you actually "get it," then you won't be able to keep the one who really loves you from finding their way to you.

Until next time, yall...One.

**When "9 Tenets" comes out, read the chapter on "Square Pegs/Round Holes" to get more understanding and have more discussion on this topic.