Friday, September 17, 2010

Take a Moment to Reflect

Every now and then we are watching something and we are caught of guard. Literally, taken aback. I had that happen to me today. I was watching a certain celebrity get interviewed (the person in this case doesn't matter) and I know this guy to be a somewhat condescending, arrogant individual. I don't know him personally, but what his co-workers and friends say about him in a sugar-coated sort of way, in addition to how he normally carries himself makes those traits believable.

All of that said, today during his interview, he had a moment to reflect on his life. He realizes in his heart he would not be where he is today without the relationship he has with God and the way He works in his life. The most interesting thing he said was, "I have this project coming up, but I'm not worried about it, God is going to do with that whatever He is going to do." The audience was so caught up in his other revelations and his stirring commentary, they overlooked this powerful, yet profound statement.

Think about that for a moment in the context of your life or any life: You have a book deal on the table, you're in line for a promotion, you have a man you have wanted to take you seriously for years...but now, you're not worried about it, because God is going to do with that whatever He is going to do. You have a man who won't treat you right, you have a child who won't listen, you have a boss who doesn't respect you...regardless, you're not worried about it because God is going to do with that whatever He is going to do! That's faith, and that's the kind of unconditional faith we should strive to achieve.

When the interviewer wanted to talk about the project (a book), the celebrity gave the statement that God is going to do with it whatever He is going to do, and proceeded to talk about his relationship with God for quite a while. That's great, but the real point is, he never---NEVER got back to talking about his book. I still don't know the name of the book, I don't know the topic, don't even know when it's coming out. Who would do such a thing? Who would take an opportunity not to self-promote when being asked to do so in front of a national TV audience? Someone with the faith of a mustard seed...that's who! For a man who has a touch of arrogance, turning your life over to anyone is difficult. Whether that person may be you wife, doctor, or whomever. For a moment consider an A-type personality, borderline narcissist, turning their life over to's almost inconceivable. Until you think about it, and you realize all things are possible through Christ. (I left the name of the celebrity out as it is someone everyone has heard of, but their presence will be a distraction from the point of the article)

My blog is not a blog to try to influence people to be converted to Christianity or to delve into the nature of religion. Sometimes Christianity will be addressed because it's a part of who I am. In this case, it's addressed because it creates a moment of reflection. Much like this person, take the time to look at who you are, why you are who you are, and maybe just as importantly, what has happened to get you to where you are. I often write about where we want to go, what we want to achieve and accomplish, but we will never get there if we don't know where we have been.

This blog is about relationships, so reflect on your relationships from time to time. What did you learn? What was really good about a situation? What was bad about the relationship? What would you like to see different next time, because reflection has shown you were missing something? Reflect on who you have become. Be able to tell someone else why are you who you are today. This way, your thought process has a pattern which is tangible--which makes it easier to work on. Ideas are constantly evolving, but if you put it on paper or in some tangible medium, you have something in front of you to reflect on and work through. If your pattern shows you are repeating the same things (like many of us), take heed: If you keep doing the same things, you will keep getting the same results. Reflection will show growth, it will show death (of old things that were not useful), and it will show contentment of things that you want to continue in your life. Taking moments in time to reflect periodically will allow you to apply your knowledge gained to get the desired outcome in the future. That's a fairly clinical sentence, but if you don't get my point: Reflect. Often. Until next

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Maybe a little push?

Don't get in my kitchen because I have been away. It's still all love, sometimes even writers have to take a moment away. I'm back now, so let's get it poppin again...

A friend was discussing something with me a few days ago, and I want to discuss with you. She said, she's a bit shy, and she's still learning this "he's pushing up on me, so how do I respond" thing. I'm not going to put her business in the street, but let me say she's a beautiful woman, with a lot of great stuff going for her. She could have cats following her around like little puppies, if she so desired, but she's still a bit rough around the edges on the early stages of courtship, which in many ways is a good thing. If you have ever played golf, you know people who have learned to swing a golf club wrong. I know mostly women read this blog, but even if you're not a golfer and you get a free moment, google "Charles Barkley swings a golf club." It's hilarious! He has this learned trait of having this hesistation in his hideous golf swing. He learned to do it the wrong way. The same thing with talking to the opposite sex. If you learn bad behaviors, they are hard to change. My homegirl hasn't learned bad behaviors, she just hasn't learned any behaviors, so she tries to feel her way through the situation.

One of the biggest turnoffs for women is for a guy to send a pic of himself to her...especially too early in the relationship. Not the average pic, mind you...a more "intimate" -shall we say- picture. Naked pics of yourselves, my brothers, are quick ways to guarantee you get no more response from a woman. My friend had someone do this to her. She didn't know how to respond. It's not as though she knew this guy for months, or even weeks. She just met him! Now, she's interested, but he's trying to gamble on her being either (a) horny (b) promiscuous (c) intrigued by his self-perceived sexiness or (d) all of the above. There's a chance he could catch the right girl that fits one of those criteria if he tosses that out there enough, but ladies--please understand--this is a "I'm going to throw this out there to see if it sticks" tactic. Basically, we realize sometimes we know what we want up front and we don't want to work for it. If we can cut to the chase, and leave the option open in your mind that we are "interested" so to speak, all the better. Simply put, if a man wants you sexually, but doesn't want to wait for it, he's going to offer options up front and see if you accept or not. If you don't accept, he will move on or he will continue to pursue, but with the exact same goal in mind. You have to show you are stronger than his will. Don't give in, and in my opinion, don't allow him to pursue you.

You are the guardian of your life, your spirit, your destiny. If someone doesn't even respect you enough to play the game the right way, then what makes you think he will respect you when he gets closer to you, or when he entertains you sexually, or when he has your heart. The heart is deceitful. Listen to that instinct that says, "this isn't right," or "this doesn't make sense." Trust your intellect and not your want to have someone, or your need to be with someone. You're much smarter than your heart would lead you to believe.

The name of the post is "maybe a little push." I titled it that because at the beginning I mentioned that my homie is a bit shy. She feels like sometimes she meets guys who don't lead the conversation toward going out with her, getting to know her, dating her, etc. That being the case, should she give a little push? I think you should leave the door open, if you are interested in a man who is pursuing you. You can say, "hey, it's cool you like football...I love going to Cowboys games (sorry Titans fans)." That left an opening. The underlying theme is "I like going to games and I just told you are you going to ask to take me to a game?" That's fine as a slight push. Anything else is denying a man the opportunity to pursue his woman. Also, anything much more than that, and you deny yourself the opportunity to be attracted by his pursuit. It's not necessarily about playing hard to get, but it is about him showing he's working to "get" to know you. If he can't lead in a courtship, what would make you think he can lead in a relationship or a marriage? Let him put in a little work. You'll appreciate me for it later. Remember, no pushing, just a slight "open door." If he's doesn't come through the door...slam it in his face and move on to the next one. You were spared his inept ability to pursue you appropriately and you helped him grow as he will realize he didn't do something right, so he'll be better in his next encounter.

One love, yall...