Wow! Now, I'm fully engulfed in social media, trying to manage multiple platforms to reach my audience, speaking on radio stations, invitations to speak with book clubs, etc. Can I stop for a moment to Praise Him?! Maybe I do a little of this in every blog, but when you are me and you have been where I have been and now you're here...you know it's not about you, nor can you take any credit. Not even a little bit! It's all the work and the power of Christ. I'm still not the most famous writer or most popular blogger. I don't want either of those things. My prayer is that people hear and apply the message of what develops the early stages of success in relationships.
Also, a little break to thank many of those who have read my book. I appreciate the feedback people have given me, and I hope they apply the knowledge, discern the wisdom and truly live fulfilled relationships.
Ok normally, I get straight to the heart of the matter on relationships. This time, although I know my book is faith based and that's not normally my topic of conversation here, that's where we are going today.
I sent my daughter a message a few days ago. It read simply "prayer changes things." Real talk...all day, every day. Our creator has a permissive will for our lives. The ultimate goal is to find that your will aligns with His will. That's a topic for another day, but it's important to know...find ways to align what you want with what he wants for you.
His permissive will can only be accessed one way: by asking. You have to pray. As a couple, learn to pray together. It's not difficult. It's not even awkward. "Baby, come over here...let's pray." It's that simple.
By praying together, you are inviting God's presence into your union. If you live for Him, there's nothing He won't do for you. What is really amazing, is you will find that your will lines up with His, and the prayers will be answered before you even pray them, because He knows the desires of your heart.
Obviously, I'm single...but more importantly, I'm cool with it. Kinda like it. The one thing (maybe a few things) that I would just love to do with a spouse is pray together. If you haven't done it, you might not understand. There's a presence released when you glorify His name with the person you love on this earth more than any other. I'm sure I could get all spiritual here, but I'll just say when you feel God's love and you experience it with someone else...there are no words. You just know, that you know...that you know...that the presence of God is in and around you.
Pray. Pray often. Pray without ceasing. Little prayers like "God help me" or big prayers like the ones your grandparents may do as you're hungry wanting to eat Thanksgiving turkey. It's all good. Prayer changes things. Prayer changes lives. Prayer enhances relationships.
Don't be afraid to ask Him for whatever it is...just pray.
Until the next one. :)
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Lack of Options? More of a Lack of Patience...
It's still so amazing, just how good God is to us. He put this book in my heart, opened the windows of Heaven to pour out his goodness, now I have book reviews flowing in, Radio and TV stations inquiring for interviews and a recent article which is upcoming soon in an online magazine. Again, I want to Praise His name now and make it clear that on days when nothing seems to go right and things just don't fall into place, I Praise Him on those days also. I value my relationship with Him as the ultimate successful relationship.
In the article I recently wrote for the magazine, I was asked to add some things which are relevant, that I don't address in the book. A topic that quickly came to mind the fact that our culture, the African-American culture has this disconnect between the genders when it comes to relationships. I want to expound more on those issues.
Women are led to believe "a good man is hard to find." There are articles out about how difficult is it to find a man who is not living at home, is gainfully employed and doesn't have "baby mama" drama. I will be the first to confess, we as men over the past generation have fallen short of the expecatations our grandparents and great-grandparents had for us. I fall in that category as well. I have never been married and I have 2 children. At least I'm blessed to be applying my knowledge at this point in my life, so I have grown to become a man who lives in Christ and Christ lives in me. I'm still not perfect, but I strive to follow His example. That digression of thought leads me to say, there are lots of other African-American men like me. You can't find most of those guys in the club, necessarily. You have to look for companionship while doing things that gravitate toward the lifestyle you want to be a part of. If you want to go to Lil Wayne and Nicki Minaj concerts looking for a man, that's fine. I'm a Recording Industry major, nothing wrong with that. Make sure he has diverse tastes and there's more to his life than imitating the art of hip-hop. What is he doing now? What does this person aspire to do in two years? Singles groups aren't necessarily a great way to find a partner either, but what they really show is that you are able to exist without the dependency of a man. Joining workout clubs, book clubs and other places that interest you are places to find men who enjoy things you enjoy.
Never settle for a man you really don't want to be with. Being happy and alone is better than being with someone and not happy. You deserve a great relationship and if you take the time to realize you can and will have one by patience, perserverance and prayer, everything will work itself out.
Guys, we have to have the attitude that we want a woman that makes us happy. What you think of her sexually should be the least of your worries. That sounds crazy, I know, but if a woman fulfils your mind with great conversation, fulfills your heart with a willingness to serve you in love and fulfills your spirit with a shared faith in Christ, the other things will come naturally. Don't get me wrong, EVERY relationship requires work. What I'm saying is, find the person you really want to work toward something with. Something does not mean cohabitation. Something means a life together in covenant. If you're scared of commitment, don't go there, but don't sleep with multiple women, and take a part of them and destroy a part of yourself with each encounter. It sounds like I'm not a fan of sex or something like that. Read my book...you will find it's the exact opposite. My point is, like any other thing in life, everything has its time and place. Find a woman you want to spend your life with, take the necessary steps to make it official and then you can explore the intimate things with your wife. Until you get to that point, concentrate on the things which prepare you for your wife. Learn to understand women (Lol...I know that's a tough one). Learn to communicate clearly. Develop your faith. Cultivate your career.
Contrary to popular opinion, there are plenty of good men out there. As a matter of fact, one is writing this blog right now. :) Guys, let's develop ourselves to become great men for these great women out here who are preparing for loving, meaningful, lifelong relationships.
Jay
In the article I recently wrote for the magazine, I was asked to add some things which are relevant, that I don't address in the book. A topic that quickly came to mind the fact that our culture, the African-American culture has this disconnect between the genders when it comes to relationships. I want to expound more on those issues.
Women are led to believe "a good man is hard to find." There are articles out about how difficult is it to find a man who is not living at home, is gainfully employed and doesn't have "baby mama" drama. I will be the first to confess, we as men over the past generation have fallen short of the expecatations our grandparents and great-grandparents had for us. I fall in that category as well. I have never been married and I have 2 children. At least I'm blessed to be applying my knowledge at this point in my life, so I have grown to become a man who lives in Christ and Christ lives in me. I'm still not perfect, but I strive to follow His example. That digression of thought leads me to say, there are lots of other African-American men like me. You can't find most of those guys in the club, necessarily. You have to look for companionship while doing things that gravitate toward the lifestyle you want to be a part of. If you want to go to Lil Wayne and Nicki Minaj concerts looking for a man, that's fine. I'm a Recording Industry major, nothing wrong with that. Make sure he has diverse tastes and there's more to his life than imitating the art of hip-hop. What is he doing now? What does this person aspire to do in two years? Singles groups aren't necessarily a great way to find a partner either, but what they really show is that you are able to exist without the dependency of a man. Joining workout clubs, book clubs and other places that interest you are places to find men who enjoy things you enjoy.
Never settle for a man you really don't want to be with. Being happy and alone is better than being with someone and not happy. You deserve a great relationship and if you take the time to realize you can and will have one by patience, perserverance and prayer, everything will work itself out.
Guys, we have to have the attitude that we want a woman that makes us happy. What you think of her sexually should be the least of your worries. That sounds crazy, I know, but if a woman fulfils your mind with great conversation, fulfills your heart with a willingness to serve you in love and fulfills your spirit with a shared faith in Christ, the other things will come naturally. Don't get me wrong, EVERY relationship requires work. What I'm saying is, find the person you really want to work toward something with. Something does not mean cohabitation. Something means a life together in covenant. If you're scared of commitment, don't go there, but don't sleep with multiple women, and take a part of them and destroy a part of yourself with each encounter. It sounds like I'm not a fan of sex or something like that. Read my book...you will find it's the exact opposite. My point is, like any other thing in life, everything has its time and place. Find a woman you want to spend your life with, take the necessary steps to make it official and then you can explore the intimate things with your wife. Until you get to that point, concentrate on the things which prepare you for your wife. Learn to understand women (Lol...I know that's a tough one). Learn to communicate clearly. Develop your faith. Cultivate your career.
Contrary to popular opinion, there are plenty of good men out there. As a matter of fact, one is writing this blog right now. :) Guys, let's develop ourselves to become great men for these great women out here who are preparing for loving, meaningful, lifelong relationships.
Jay
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